I'm sorry Charles
by Geek in the Purple
Summary: Erik apologizes, and, even if Charles appreciates his apology, he finds hard to believe him. Charles already knows more about the future and the horrible things Erik will do. / Set in DOFP. Rated M to be safe. Written from both Erik and Charles POV.


_A/N: Well here you have another cherik oneshot. Each part is written either from Charles' or Erik's POV. I think you will get it when you read the first paragraph, but just in case. _

_Enjoy my lovely readers :)_

* * *

Looking into his eyes should make me feel different. The anger and pain, even if they are still powerful, they can't stop a stronger feeling that I thought it was forgotten a long time ago. It rises in my heart slowly, but with force, putting aside all the hate.

Since our discussion some hours ago, I've been on the edge of tears. I accused him unrestrained, shouting and letting my rage flood me. He gave me as good as he got, almost blaming me for the deaths of our mutant friends. And what did I do? Run. I ran away from his accusations like a coward, because I couldn't stand being near him anymore. I couldn't bear his words so full of hate, when I was feeling so vulnerable.

Unfortunately, there wasn't any place I could go in this tiny plane and now, as he sits in front of me, I can't stop thinking if things could have been different from what they are.

I cannot read his mind, but as the conversation about the future and Raven finishes, I sense that he's having an intern battle about something. He swallows hard and without leaving my eyes, he pronounces the last words I expected from him.

"I'm sorry Charles," he whispers.

To say that I'm surprised is not enough. I feel relieved and uncomfortable at the same time, because a man as powerful and prideful as Erik would never say those words unless he really means them.

"For what happened, I truly am," he continues gently.

My mouth gets dry as I try to absorb the implication of his words. He keeps observing my reaction, making me feel awkward. I can't hold his gaze anymore, so I look at nowhere in particular avoiding his eyes, and suddenly I remember I still have my drink. I take a long sip, swallowing all that is left.

I'm almost crying. I'm feeling the tears in my eyes and I really don't want to cry in front of him. I hate feeling this helpless around him. I could try to ignore his words, try to change the subject, even maybe play chess with him (something I have really missed), but I'm in no condition to do that.

Hearing him apologize should make me feel better, but it doesn't, because it's hard to believe those words when I already know what he's going to do in the future. Yes, I asked Logan about it, about everything.

After he told me that Erik and I will be working together in the future, I needed to know more. Logan told me almost everything. I didn't need the details. I just wanted to know how we will end up working together and what will happen before that. I didn't like what I heard, but I can perfectly see it happening. What hurts me more is the fact that I will mean nothing to Erik in the future. My life will be just an obstacle for him and he will try several times to eliminate that obstacle.

Erik's cause will lead him to a dark place, where he won't remember the friendship we had once. He won't differentiate between friends or enemies; he will be blinded by hate all his life and I don't know how I can change that.

I look at Logan. He seems to be asleep, but, to be honest, I just think he's being polite, not wanting to interrupt our civilized talk, while at the same time he's controlling if we get too uncivilized. I hope we won't, because I'm planning to tell Erik exactly what Logan told me. He deserves to know it.

"I believe you," I offer, looking back at Erik, whose eyes are now shinning as if he's about to cry. "But I'm afraid, old friend, that's not enough," I finish, cleaning my own tears.

"I don't expect your forgiveness Charles," he answers, "but I want you to know that there hasn't being a single day in which I didn't regret what happened. I've had you in my thoughts all these years."

I laugh ironically. "There's something you need to know," I confess him, "Something Logan told me about the future."

"He already said we'll be working together," he clarifies.

"Yeah, he mentioned that, but did he tell you that before that happens you will try to kill me in more than one occasion?"

He opens his eyes widely, surprised and shocked by my words.

"Yes Erik, you and Raven together. You even almost succeed once."

"That's not possible," he chokes.

"It is and you've already done it."

He shakes his head and looks away from me, but I keep observing how his features change as he struggles with this new realization.

"I thought you'd want to know," I add, placing the glass in the middle of the chessboard and getting up to leave him with his thoughts.

-0-

I watch him walk away as I cannot find the words to apologize for something that I haven't done yet.

I'm aware of who I am and I know the things I would do to reach my goal, but hurting him? Again? No! I secretly promised him that I wouldn't do anything that could hurt him again. I forced myself not to get close to him, so I could spare him more pain than the one I've already caused him.

It seems I can't keep my promise in the future. I will turn against him and I'll drag Raven along with me. I will hurt him again. Is it because I don't feel the same for him in the future? It hasn't disappeared in 10 years and I doubt it will in another 10.

I look back at Logan, who is sleeping, or at least he's trying. I can ask him, but I doubt he has the answer to that question. I doubt Charles knows it himself in the future and if he does, he won't tell anyone.

Where's Charles by the way? I honestly don't know how much time has passed since he left, but it seemed an eternity to me. I have to speak with him. He needs to understand that I don't want to hurt him again.

I get up and follow his steps towards the back of the plane. The rear cockpit is dark, but I still can see him lying in one of the seats, with eyes open and tears on them.

I already hurt him without doing anything. I may have not harmed him physically this time, but there are more ways to hurt a person.

"Charles," I begin, not knowing what my next words are.

"There's nothing left to say Erik," he says without looking at me. "Let's finish this and see what happens."

"I think there's a lot left to say," I insist from my spot at the entrance.

"I don't care anymore," he utters defeated.

"But I do care," I say, more confident now, while I crouch in front of him to be face to face. "Look at me," I ask when he turns his gaze away from mine.

"Erik, let it be. I don't want to talk about it," he begs still not looking at me.

I let out a deep breath and raise my hand towards his face. I gently graze my fingers along his skin, until my hand cups his cheek entirely. He closes his eyes instinctively and slowly a lonely tears falls and stops at my hand.

"Please…" I'm the one begging now. "Look at me."

He, with eyes still closed, turns his head towards me and opens his now red and blue eyes.

"What do you want Erik?" he asks while my hand leaves his cheek, missing the heat at the instant. However, instead of withdrawing it totally, I rest it on his knee and leave it there motionless.

"I don't want to believe what Logan told you."

"Believe whatever you want. It's a fact and it's done," he says harshly.

"It's not done yet and I don't know what could happen to make me try to kill you. I can't imagine what reason I could have to kill the only person I have ever loved," I finally confess, wishing I could have said it before.

He doesn't take his eyes away from mine as I look up at him trying to figure out his thoughts.

"I wish you could read my mind, because there are no words that can faithfully describe how I feel for you, Charles." I swallow hard and keep trying to make him see that I'm telling the truth. "I've been in love with you since you helped me move that antenna, maybe even before. But I denied it to myself, because if I accepted it, it would mean that I had something to lose and I just couldn't let myself be vulnerable when I was so close to fulfilling my revenge." I take a deep breath before continuing. "I was wrong. You didn't make me weak. You made me stronger and with you at my side, I was a better person."

"But you left," he mutters with a trembling voice.

"I wanted you at my side, because I needed you, but I couldn't bear the simple thought of hurting you again. When you were in my arms at the beach, I realized that you wouldn't be safe if I stayed. So, yes, I left."

"Why are you telling me this now?"

"Because I refuse to believe what Logan told you, even if it really happened in his time, I won't let it be in our time Charles."

"And how exactly are you going to do that Erik?" he asks skeptically.

"I'm here, right? I'm telling you this, not expecting anything from you, but at least give me the benefit of the doubt," I add squeezing his leg.

He seems to be thinking about it, while his breathing quickens.

"I'm sorry Erik, I'm not sure if I can trust you." I let out a sigh while I nod in understanding. "I'm broken. This," he says resting his hand on his chest, "is shattered. You let me down when you put that helmet on and pushed me out of your mind, and yet I kept Shawn frozen while you pierced his head and mine with that coin. I felt the same pain he felt and I heard everything you said to him, but even after that, I still had hope for you."

He closes his eyes hard and the tears that were in eyes begin to slide down his face. He wasn't controlling his emotions anymore and, as I watch him show me one of his most vulnerable sides, I felt my own tears beginning to fill my eyes.

"You say you love me, but you hit me in the face and then you took my sister and left me in the beach with a gunshot wound in the back. I lost all hope that day, when you broke my heart into pieces," he finishes looking away and cleaning his tears.

"Charles, I wish things had been different, but—"

"Don't you see it Erik?" he interrupts me, staring back at me with pain in his eyes. "You were driven by hate and rage. You didn't think about the ones you claim to love when you did all that. So forgive me if I cannot believe you won't do the same at any time."

"Oh Charles…" I utter as I feel a single tear sliding down my face. I can't find the words and the strength to deny it. I know he's right. I'm a monster after all. "I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. Let's do this and then we'll see."

That's it. I don't know if at some point he felt the same for me. He hasn't said it clearly after all, but if he did feel the same, he doesn't anymore, and even if he does, there's no way it can work out.

I remove my hand from his knee and stand up. The conversation is over. I can only hope that we can change the future. I will do my best.

I look down at him, but he isn't looking my way, so I begin to walk away.

-0-

I feel his eyes on me, but I can't let myself look up at him. If I do, my will would probably crack and I would find myself longing to believe his words and trapped in a situation I cannot control anymore.

I see from the corner of my eye how he begins to leave the cabin and I allow myself to breathe deeply.

"What if I stay?" he suddenly asks.

No! He was leaving! I can't fight this... I just can't…

"That won't change anything," I say, my voice cracking.

"You can change me." I heard him speak at my back.

I bring my hand to my temple and shut my eyes, as I massage it. My head hurts badly and I'm too tired to keep arguing with him. I slowly get up with the clear purpose of running away again.

"Forget it," I prompt as I try to get pass him. He moves to block my path. I look up at him confused and once again I find myself lost in that mysterious fog of his eyes.

We stare at each other for what seems like an eternity and before I can realize, his lips are on mine. I feel my knees buckle like they do when I don't have my dose, but this time is different. They are weak for the sweet feel of his lips and the warmth his body emanates.

He shouldn't be kissing me. The conversation was over and I haven't told him anything about my feelings. Does he know me that good that he doesn't need my words anymore to know how I feel?

I step back, breaking the kiss and looking into his eyes, which are full of desire and love. Yes, love. I wonder if my eyes are betraying me and telling him that I do want this more than anything. Then I notice that I'm the one betraying myself, because I'm wishing he just leans in to kiss me again.

But even if he notices, he doesn't move. He stays there, staring at me and breathing nervously. My eyes wander his face, as I study every feature I remembered so well. He has more wrinkles, especially in those places that mean he's been through a lot of pain and anger. I wonder when was the last time he laughed. His hair is shorter and his eyes seem darker than I remembered. He has blood in his hands, of that I'm sure, but still I can't help but be drawn to this powerful and beautiful man. I just love him, the way I loved him when I first touched his mind and felt his pain.

I'm not sure who made the next move. I think it was me, but I honestly don't care anymore, because now, as the softness of his lips invades my senses, I realize that we both have wanted this for a long time. There's no need to deny it any longer.

I bring my right hand to his chest and grip his shirt to pull him closer to me, while my left hand comes to rest around his neck. His hands immediately get lost in my hair as a quiet moan escapes my lips. I deepen the kiss and our lips and tongues begin moving at a perfect pace, as if we had done this before.

We kiss fiercely, as if we need each other's lips to breathe. His tongue dances with mine, offering the most exquisite sensation I have ever felt. There had been lot of women in my life, but they couldn't compare to him. No one could.

I think I feel dizzy when he pushes me hard against the wall inside the cabin. There's not enough space, but to be honest we don't need it.

He presses his body against mine as I slide my hands inside his shirt and begin wandering his well-muscled back. Now it's his turn to groan and, believe me, it's the most sensual and perfect moan I've ever heard. It makes my desire grow with no limits.

My heart is beating so fast that I'm scare it can burst out of my chest. Feeling it pounding like that makes me wonder if this simple kiss is what I needed to put the pieces back together. It's the first time in ten years that I feel alive and Erik is the reason.

We are opposite poles and yet we are drawn to each other like the earth is drawn towards the sun. Even after all these years of hating, this feeling hasn't died; in fact, it seems to have become stronger. Our hasty movements speak for themselves as our mouths crash together and our rushed breathings mingle in the air.

Erik moves his lips away from mine and begins kissing his way down to my neck. I bit my bottom lip to silence a loud groan when his tongue darts out along my pulse point. His peppermint scent fills my nose as I move my right hand to tangle it among his blonde hair.

God I can feel the bulge between his legs against my thigh, as my own bulge gets bigger. We need to stop this. It's definitely not the place for this. I doubt Hank or Logan are asleep and from the noises we are making, I'm sure they know what's happening. There's no need for them to witness such an intimate moment.

"Erik…" I whisper, too low because my voice falters. He doesn't hear me, or he doesn't want to listen, because his hands begin working on the buttons of my light blue shirt until he opens it and I feel the skin of his fingers sliding along my stomach.

_Fuck_! I swear to myself. I'm not sure if I have the strength to stop this, but I'd try again.

"Erik," I call with more force in my tone. "We need to stop this," I ask as my hands stop at his chest.

He bites hard at my neck before turning to look down at me.

"I'm not planning to stop now," he mutters between gaps.

I clear my throat a couple of times, before explaining myself. "I don't want to stop, but we're in a reduced space and I'm sure our groans are not going unnoticed for the rest of the plane."

His face lightens up in realization. "I see," he acknowledges. "So what do you suggest?"

"I think we have more important things at hand." The voice of wisdom and responsibility is speaking for me, because if it was up to me we would be hitting the first hotel we see when we arrive in Paris. "We should leave this for another time."

"Okay."

-0-

Let's say I don't really care if the wolf or Hawk are on the same plane while Charles and I are… well, you know, but I guess he's right. It's not the place and it's not the moment, but the truth is I'm not sure if we'll get the chance again.

As he buttons his shirt, I observe how much he has changed since the last time I saw him. And it is my fault. I can confirm that he has suffered a lot only by looking at him. He has not shaved in at least two or three weeks and I'm not sure when he has cut his hair for the last time. His eyes are red around his beautiful deep blue pupils and he has under eyes bags.

I wish I could make all that pain go away. I wish I had stayed, maybe and only maybe, things would be different now.

As he finishes with his shirt, I tucked a strand of hair behind his ear and cup his face with my right hand. He rests his hand on my chest, just where my heart is. We looked into each other's eyes and I can't help but feel the peace invading me while I get lost in his deep blue ocean.

I lean in and capture his lips again in a sweet and passionate kiss. I take the time to enjoy the taste of his lips as they dance with mine. We move slowly, taking into every sensation, but suddenly I feel scared. The simple thought of losing him crosses my mind while we kiss, and without me noticing it, a tear escapes my eyes.

I can't lose him. He has every reason to push me away, but he's here, kissing me and giving me another chance.

If Charles has hope in me, I have to trust his instincts. I can change if I stay; of that I'm sure. But I'm terrified of where this path will lead us. There are many obstacles in our way and I can become one of them, even if I don't want to.

We break apart and he brings his hand to my cheek to wipe that lonely tear.

"What if we play that game of chess?" he suggests. "Although I have to warn you that it's been a while since I've played."

"I'll go easy on you. You might find to be a fair fight," I say with a smile on my face.

He laughs and begins walking towards the sofa. While I follow him, I cannot help but think that, how things go from here, depends on me and just me. I silently promise Charles that I'll do everything in my hands to stay.

However I'm still not sure if a promise is enough.

* * *

_A/N: So what do you think? Too out-of-character? Let me know in the comments! _

_I have so many ideas about this two, so I guess this won't be the last fic I write about them! Stay tuned for more! _


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